‘Traitor’ Premiere Recap, Season 4, Episode 1

traitors

Let the cards fall as you like

season 4 episode 1

Editor’s rating 4 stars ****

The turret is finally doubled up with a housewife while a secret traitor pulls the strings from the shadows. Photo: Ewan Cherry/Peacock

It’s the most wonderful and murderous time of the year — the traitors are back. The popular Peacock competition series, which blends Mafia-like gameplay with our favorite (and hated) reality stars and various celebrities, is back for a fourth season. This time around, the traitors and loyalists are a beautiful mix of housewives, survivors, athletes, actors, and mothers of many, both in the literal (Donna Kelce) and colloquial sense (Porsha Williams).

When this crew of colorful personalities arrives at the castle, more fireworks are set off than a funeral planned by Erica Kirk, and players can watch to see who will end up playing against whom. Dorinda Medley, who bounced back from a heartbreaking first loss last season, was excited to meet fellow Bravolebrity Lisa Rinna and told her that she also wears her own brand of lip liner. Partnerships have already been established in the cosmetics field. Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski, on the other hand, play it much cooler, barely even making eye contact with each other, lest their close relationship seem threatening.

But before the players arrive at the castle, host Alan Cumming has a surprise in store for them. He will choose a secret traitor whose identity will remain a mystery not only to his fellow players, but also to us. This cloaked figure is pulling the strings alone from behind the scenes and comes up with a short list of players to kill, from which other traitors must choose. But who will the other traitors be?

Through a typical deadly game of duck, duck, and goose, Alan selects Candace Dillard Bassett (The Real Housewives of Potomac), Lisa Rinna (The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills), and Rob Rausch (Love Island USA) to wear the mantle of traitor. As they point out, this is the first time there are two housewives in the turret, but it’s also notable that there are no game players. Especially after last season’s disastrous gang of game traitors who ended up cannibalizing each other all season long. This group already looks more positive. Rob R. feels he’s up for the challenge because he’s been told he’s “hard to read” by every woman he’s ever dated. Candace is excited to take her rightful place as the main character. Lisa is happy to be able to “lie, cheat, and kill people.” It was good preparation to do two out of three of Housewives.

Conversely, Michael Rapaport is the unpleasant scourge of this otherwise enjoyable cast. His near-constant racist and xenophobic posts made his hiring on the show embarrassing — especially considering that NBCUniversal had fired talent for much less in the past. From the moment he steps onto a screen filled with pus and nitrates, you can feel him causing headaches across the nation. Every time he waddles into the frame, you hope it’s actually just a blobfish with psoriasis, but alas, he’s there to excruciatingly reveal how stupid he is at maximum volume – so much so that Tiffany Mitchell (Big Brother) couldn’t help but point out how horrible he is already in this game upon meeting him. We can only hope and pray that he is killed off soon and we can enjoy the rest of the season.

But before you can embark on a murder spree, the first mission of the season awaits you. There are 100 coffins floating in the lake, 12 of which are worth the gold in the bounty pot. Our team must row out to collect them and drop them into the graves corresponding to each player. Anyone who puts a coffin on the grave at the end of things is ready for murder. Some dump the coffin in the nearest grave, while others try to act strategically — “America’s mom might have to die,” says Candice, who targeted Donna. And listen, if there’s anyone who can stand up to the Swifties, it’s Candice. Also of note is that Johnny falls completely into the lake, and Colton Underwood (The Bachelorette, Gay) single-handedly lifts the entire casket out of the water with such ease that you’d think it was a pool float.

In the end, nine of the players are targeted for murder: Michael (with 65% phlegm), Ron, Donna, Eric, Ian, Dorinda, Rob C., Mark, and Rob R., although the latter is of course safe considering he is a traitor. You can feel Dorinda having flashbacks of the war through the screen. Getting killed the first time is bad enough, but twice? She’s worried she won’t be able to leave that castle without some real blood being shed.

However, Porsha also came close to being on the chopping block, so her chances of survival were almost marginally higher, but luckily for her, her casket didn’t make it to the grave in time. On the ride home, Candace wonders why she was targeted in the first place, and tells her that Michael (whom she had mistaken for the submerged banshee) had said he was going after the housewives. “When we were on the boat, Michael was like, ‘Let’s do Housewives,'” she said, admitting in a confessional that Michael was just adding fuel to the fire because he was the perfect distraction.

But telling Porsha anything in private is a fool’s errand. Within seconds of returning to the castle, she calls Michael (the first documented case of systemic gout) for targeting the housewives, but he denies it. The whole gang then wants to get to the bottom of this rumor and storms into the kitchen to confront Candace. When Porsha repeats the exchange, Candiace gives a powerful performance and says, “Oh, where was I?” It’s crunchy. But she’s skilled and without missing a beat claims that Porsha misheard her and that she was referring to what he said yesterday.

When the time comes for the traitors to meet in the turret, my biggest worry is what havoc these capes will wreak on Lisa Rinna’s classic shag hairstyle. However, their main concern is the impact that Secret Traitor’s shortlist will have on the game. For this first murder case, their shortlist is Rob R., Ian, Mark, and Eric, but with only three names to choose from, the mystery remains as to who is pulling the strings. While we can glimpse the handwriting (it’s tempting to cross-reference this with Survivor player tribal voting), it’s hard to tell much from it. Some names are written in all capital letters, while others are not. Some letters have feminine curves, while others are more like block letters. All we know for sure is that it’s not Ian or Mark or Eric.

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