Diana, Lucy and Stephen’s Reign of Terror

Tell Me Rise

Fix Me Up, Girl

season 3 episode 4

Editor’s rating 3 stars ***

Between the Wrigley reveal and Pippa and Diana’s secret romance, I’m officially shipping the cheater. Photo: Ian Watson/Disney

What’s really bothered me about Tell Me Lies lately is the way the show makes you root for the scammers. Do you know who I’m shipping to now? Pippa and Diana. Do you know someone I no longer ship to? Bree and Evan. Wrigley is the only man left in the world of Tell Me Rise who doesn’t deserve immediate imprisonment, and the big reveal at the end of Fix Me Up Girl is that he was the one having an affair when he blew up Bree’s cell phone on her wedding day. It remains to be seen whether this is just an emotional thing or a full-fledged event.

A very important question arises here. Who would be stupid enough to leave incriminating call records on a non-password-protected cell phone right next to Stephen DeMarco, the group’s pet psychopath? We still don’t know exactly why Stephen is trying to sabotage this wedding, only that Wrigley and his big, goofy, covetable looks on the dance floor just gave him the tools to do it. The problem is, I’m not even sure why I’m still so against Stephen’s sabotage, since it’s clear that Bree and Wrigley have some sort of star-crossed situation going on. All I know is that Stephen is a servant of Satan. So whatever he’s trying to do, it must be bad.

Back in 2009, Professor Cripe had just told Bree that she was needy, insecure, and desperate for validation, likely due to the neglect and abuse she suffered as a child. Now, back in the dorm room, Wrigley assures her that no one thinks that, especially Evan, who is still attached to her. Wrigley added that his younger brother, Drew, also meant a lot to her. Because when a girl feels like this, what she wants is a list of everyone who has ever had a crush on her. Wrigley doesn’t add that he’s also obsessed with Bree, but that’s no secret. Look how excited he is about her photography project. He asks her to take a photo of him and add it to his portfolio, which she solemnly does. When you’re 20 years old, what could be a more pure expression of love than this? You’ve seen Titanic, right?

But Bree doesn’t know that. All she knows is that Wrigley is still her best friend’s boyfriend. Her conclusion is that Evan is not that bad compared to Oliver, so she takes Evan back. It was unknowingly setting them all up for heartbreak in 2015. Meanwhile, Pippa and Diana finally consummate their illicit romance in a tender, consensual sex scene that leaves everyone satisfied and emotionally fulfilled. They’re not technically great, but these dirty little crooks are the whole heart and soul of this show at the moment. Other than that, it’s mostly a disaster, which leaves me clinging to pure nostalgia in search of fleeting pleasure.

For example, the RA who ushered Lucy into the dean’s office, the first of many agonizing meetings about sexual assault on campus, tied her hair in an almost biblically accurate style. Until now, no modern media set in this era had the courage to bumpit. We all know that lace camisoles are always cute, and low-rise flares come and go with the trends. I wouldn’t be brave enough to source these items for a millennial college show. But if costume designers are really serious about 2009, they should twist the tops of their hair into small buns and secure them with at least 15 bobby pins. If I had Druther, Lucy’s hair would forever be a mess, but I’m excited to see any antics.

Yeah, I spend more time on those 10 seconds of background hairstyles than the whole Alex subplot, but that’s because the Alex subplot (Lucy develops a humiliating kink and now she and Alex are having depressing sex in the parking lot) makes me sad. If we don’t seize this bright moment while we can, all that will be left are weekly seminars on coercive control. So, besides the Bree + Wrigley (Brigley) reveal, the main development this week is that Stephen is using an actual rape victim as a torture device against Lucy because he “loves” her. Think of my poop obsession as a way to soothe myself.

Last semester, the government dropped Katie’s sexual assault case against Chris due to lack of evidence and no other victims coming forward. This semester, someone (I think it’s Stephen) told Katie that Lucy was also a victim. The government’s response is to ambush Lucy in the hallway and drag her into a surprise meeting with Dean Katie and Baird College’s second creepiest professor, Marianne, to discuss coming forward with her (false) rape charges. At least Lucy ends up giving Marianne some serious burns. “You should be worried about all the girls on campus who have been traumatized by your husband because he’s an asshole.” Preach, Mom.

To follow it up, someone (also almost certainly Stephen) created a Facebook group called “Chris Is a Rapist” that names both Katie and Lucy as victims. Now, Bree and everyone else think Lucy was raped by Chris, but she wasn’t. Stephen has Lucy’s hostage video and says she made it all up, but that’s not because of why she was forced to say anything in the video. With nowhere else to turn, Lucy makes the best decision she’s made in years and calls Diana.

Diana knows the basics – that Pippa lied about Lucy being raped because she didn’t want to come forward, and that Stephen is corrupt – but this is the first time she’s heard about the video. First of all, she wants to know why Lucy would do such a thing when she is still alive. Lucy explains that Stephen has something worse on his mind. “Is it worse than lying about sexual assault?” It sounds so stupid when you say it that way, right? But Lucy and Diana also say, “I’m not going to cover up the murder any longer.” When it comes to group sex on this scale, Diana’s advice to Lucy is very simple. “You should stop making decisions.”

Diana is right, but that doesn’t mean Lucy is completely wrong when she says, “There are only bad choices when it comes to Stephen.” I’ve seen a lot of shows about vampires, serial killers, and fascist regimes, but none of them have come close to Stephen’s reign of terror. The mind control that Stephen exerts on Lucy is not supernatural, but real. Diana knows this better than anyone, because she lives in fear of Stephen at this very moment.

We learned last week that Princess Diana is pregnant. And, as I had hoped, she plans to have an abortion as soon as humanely possible. Her only mistake is treating it like it’s a dramatic inconvenience for a girl with low self-esteem to say out loud. “Being a woman is a prison,” says Diana, who reads feminist blogs, I imagine. Molly, Evan’s plaything, has no idea what Diana means by that word, but she knows what the word abortion means. Molly relays this information directly to Evan, who immediately reports it to Steven. Now we know that both Molly and Evan are the worst. It’s obviously never the right thing to tell Stephen, but Evan doesn’t know that because so far the only people affected by his Big Mouth are Lucy and Diana.

Stephen’s face turned purple and he growled that he should have been consulted. “What would she talk to you about?” said Wrigley, who also reads feminist blogs. Stephen yelled something about “rights” and “my baby too” and Wrigley was like “what are you?” Evan suddenly becomes a men’s rights activist and agrees with Stephen, but Wrigley thinks this whole conversation is bullshit. Stephen storms out to harass Diana, and on the way home he angrily tells Pippa about her pregnancy.

When Stephen shows up breathlessly at Diana’s door, she doesn’t bother to make the “My body, it’s my choice” argument. Because Stephen doesn’t care about Diana’s bodily autonomy or autonomy in general. Instead, she says, “I’m so excited to abort your baby. It’s going to be the highlight of my year.” This causes Stephen to sneak away to plot revenge in another way. I can only imagine the horror that awaits him.

• When Sadie calls Stephen to let him know that her tuition has been successfully paid, Stephen reacts like a divorced father who has just taken the past three weekends off. It’s very good for her because she doesn’t have anything yet.

• I know Brie chose “Fade Into You” for her first dance because she saw it on Gilmore Girls.

• I know for a fact that 2026 Evan loves Joe Rogan.

• Taking Max wasn’t the most shameful thing Lucy did last year, but it was something she confessed to Alex as foreplay.

• By the way, Max seems unharmed.

• There must be at least one victim of Chris on this campus. I’m sure there is.