The traitor has the last laugh

traitors

cut off the snake’s head

season 4 episode 4

Editor’s rating 3 stars ***

Although the Housewives Alliance is being tested, its biggest enemy is the Faithfuls. Photo: Ewan Cherry/Peacock

As four celebrities are blindfolded and tied to a tree in a Scottish forest, the traitors are forced to make a difficult decision. Will they kill Ron, Eric, Caroline and Kristen? Of course, breakfast is the only place to find out the answer to that question. As potential victims arrive one by one, Monet wisely asks about their experiences to see if any discrepancies emerge that suggest the person is truly a traitor. What we do know is that, while Monet doesn’t know, Lisa Rinna is under fire for this little test.

Ron was the first to testify, and he gave a detailed description, stating that it sounded as if there were three traitors, including one who was making very light footsteps. “The lightest little bird I know…is Maura,” he says in a confessional, continuing his trend of being confidently wrong. Next is Lisa. Luckily, she only has one story to match. And she does a pretty good job. Although she is clearly nervous, she does not fall into Monet’s trap and explains exactly what the henchman’s mask is. That said, she goes into a bit of unnecessary detail, even claiming that the tree they tied her to was a maple, and she says she was freed with an axe, but Johnny points out that’s not what Ron was referring to.

As for Eric, he said he believed there were probably two traitors, adding in his confessional that he was 99 percent sure he heard the laughter, but wasn’t ready to reveal whose. The last survivor is Kristen. So, sadly, Caroline was killed. “Rinna, you bitch,” she is seen saying when confronted by the killers. “I’m sorry, Caroline. You’re going back to Dubai,” Lisa replied relentingly. Caroline thought that the housewives would support each other, and that very idea is why she leaves. Everyone expects housewives to be attentive to housewives, so killing Caroline takes the heat off a little for Lisa and Candace.

Thankfully, during this situation, Michael (who looks as if his veins are filled with sour cream instead of blood) takes everyone’s advice and decides to shut the hell up for once. Despite this, Tiffany still thinks she is a traitor, along with Yum Yum (who suspiciously referred to the murders in the woods as a “ritual” at the table) and Ron (who is still a suspect despite taking out Porsha and being friendly with Donna). But while Tiffany makes her case inside the castle, Colton releases her name and claims she was trying to control the entire game, which is a red flag.

But before the expulsion occurs, they have a mission to overcome, led by Alan, who is dressed like a scarecrow going to the prom. They have to burn 10 figures with their spears, and each time they burn, they get to choose someone who also burns their shields. Of course, given Alan’s straw-lined blazer, this seems risky, but we’re sure his safety was a priority in the production. After all, who would bring Lara to the set without him?

Michael (the embalmer would look at this guy and say, “Oh, we’ve already done this”), being stupid, grabs the corn doll instead of the spear the doll is supposed to lead, wasting time misinterpreting the challenge. Meanwhile, Tiffany is enraged that her shield has gone up in flames, and in revenge, she fights while burning it and shouting Monet’s name. And speaking of Monet, she confided in Candace that she suspected Lisa, and she relayed that information directly to her fellow traitor. To top things off, Yum Yum’s shield flares up one last time, and he bursts into tears over it. I love Yum Yum, but please be serious for just two seconds. So he, Ron, Tiffany, Monet, Tara, Stephen, Lisa, Maura, Johnny, and Michael (who looks like Gargamel’s less attractive younger brother) are left without their shields.

But before the ax is placed in the hands of the traitors, a round table must be passed. The names on everyone’s lips seem to be Tiffany and Ron, but there doesn’t seem to be much consensus. “Tiffany, you’re the traitor I’m going after tonight,” Colton said in a little off-the-shoulder sweater, catching her off guard. But the element of surprise can’t help Colton here either. He may be the mastermind behind installing a tracking device on his ex’s car, but he’s no match for Tiffany when it comes to gameplay. He has a hard time making his point, especially since the main evidence is that she’s overstrategizing, but it was fun asking her to spell her name for a vote. I even liked her response: “Tiffany likes company.”

Tiffany is certainly thinking several steps ahead, as Colton claims, but that’s not because she’s a good traitor. That’s because she’s good at games. But the problem with thinking a few steps ahead is that she brings not one, but three names to the roundtable, claiming that Ron, Yum Yum, and Michael (who has sun damage in his melasma) are all traitors. As a result, her energy is not focused and the discussion is not focused on one person, but is divided into three people.

During this exchange, Maura somehow heard the words and asked Ron why he said her name. He tells all about the very light footsteps he heard while tied to the tree, but Maura easily silences him. But that wasn’t the only thing he heard in the woods, and Eric took this opportunity to finally tell everyone about the laughter. “I’m 99 percent sure it was you laughing, Tiffany.” Well, it’s me laughing now. But if Eric heard that, he obviously wouldn’t think it was me. And let’s be real — Tiffany would never be stupid enough to laugh.

Despite Candace’s attempts to protect Tiffany, that laugh put the final nail in her coffin and she was expelled from the castle, a massive loss for the show. “You all should be proud of yourselves because you’ve proven that you’re getting what you deserve. You don’t deserve me because I’m a believer,” Tiffany says as she exits. It was a great fake-out and Colton and Eric were shocked and understandably distressed.

Back in the turret, there are eight actual traitors to choose from. But they want to keep suspicious Ron, Yum Yum, and (unfortunately) Michael around, so they have to choose between Johnny, Tara, Maura, Steven, and Monet. Will they split our figure skating pairs? Will you allow Mora to leave Ireland? Or will Stephen kill her off before he even has a chance to speak to her all season? It’s too early to say for sure, but things don’t seem particularly good considering Monet has been saying Lisa’s name around the castle. But time will tell. Luckily, this is a two-episode week, so you won’t have to wait long for answers.