Go home and be a family man? Nah, we have to go to work.
We keep SoraNews24 HQ clean enough so that we don’t have flies on the wall, but if you were to be, for instance, a shapeshifting tanuki disguised as a fern in the corner of our office on Friday, you might have heard the following conversation take place.
Mr. Sato: “Hey, you guys bring your Guile gear?”
Mr. Sato: “OK. So, we doing this?”
Ahiruneko: “We sure are. But, like, I really didn’t have much to bring.”
Mr. Sato: “But, like, -how- are we supposed to do this? We just, like, become Guile?”
Seiji Nakazawa: “Sure. No need to overthink it, right?”
P.K.: “We all just turn into Guile, just like that?”
See, we have a tradition here at SoraNews24, where everyone who’s in the office on the day closest to Halloween dresses up in costume. We try to have some sort of theme, like dressing up as the trendiest desert drink of the year or trying to transform into actual parts of the Tokyo cityscape. This year, we settled on the theme of developer Capcom’s hit fighting video game series, Street Fighter, and since every release since Street Fighter II: Championship Edition has allowed players to pick the same character as each other, we decided that everyone in the office would become Guile.
Mr. Sato: “I think everybody already has their outfit sorted, so we better get started on our making our Guile hair.”
Takeshi Harada: “How are we supposed to do that?”
Mr. Sato: “All you need is some yellow paper, and some imagination.”
With Hollywood’s newest live-action Street Fighter adaptation currently playing in theaters, some might be tempted to accuse us of trying to piggyback on the movie’s hype train, but our Guile-loving credentials have been an established matter of public record for some time, as we previously published a literally hard-hitting investigative piece on the real-world effectiveness of Guile’s iconically cool-looking low-guard pose from the games.
Takeshi: “Am I doing it right?”
Mr. Sato: “Hey, man, you gotta trust your own judgement when making Guile hair.”
Then, after 20 minutes of cutting, taping, and changing clothes in a wide-open office with no locker room…
Mr. Sato: “OK, everybody set? Show us your Guiles!”
So, uh, as you can see, even though everyone was dressed as the same character, there was still plenty of, let’s call them individual creative differences present in the final results.
Let’s take a closer look at what everyone came up with.
▼ Seiji Guile!
▼ Yuichiro Guile!
▼ Ahiruneko Guile!
▼ Takeshi Guile!
▼ P.K. Guile!
▼ Yoshio Guile!
▼ Sato Guile!
▼ Go Hatori Guile, who actually wasn’t in the office this day but who joined the battle
So who’s Guile was the best Guile? We left that judgement up to Seiji, since we felt like we kind of owed him one for all the physical punishment he took in that Guile blocking test.
Seiji Guile: “All right, you maggots! Line up for inspection!”
Seiji Guile: “Sato Guile! You are the sorriest display of a Guile in this whole company!”
Sato Guile: “What? But I thought I did pretty good. I even worked out extra to tone up my arms and shoulders for this.”
Seiji Guile: “I didn’t expect anything more of you than using paper for your hair, but why did you put the crease in the front? That’s inexcusable! You’re a disgrace to our proud Guile traditions!”
Seiji Guile: “Next! Yoshio Guile! You’re all right. I can tell you’re taking the mission seriously.”
Seiji Guile: “Unlike the rest of these knuckleheads who just used drawing paper, you reinforced your spikes with construction paper. That’s the kind of ingenuity that we need to be ready to display in the field.”
Yoshio Guile: “Sir! Thank you, sir!”
Seiji Guile: “Next! Ahiruneko Guile! What in the name of a redizzy combo do you call this?”
Ahiruneko Guile: “No good?”
Seiji Guile: “No good at all! That sloppy, loose tank top is totally outside uniform regulations!”
Ahiruneko Guile: “Well, I mean, I just bought it on Amazon, so it wasn’t like I could try it on and check the fit or anything…”
Seiji Guile: “You think Guile would be caught dead in something like that? You’re a disgrace to the uniform!”
Seiji Guile: “Next! P.K. Guile!”
P.K. Guile: “Look, I’ll just get it out of the way and apologize right now.”
Seiji Guile: “Well, at least you’ve got a scrap of self awareness. You know your pants are wrong, right?”
P.K. Guile: “When I went to the thrift shop, this was all they had for camo pants. I know the color is wrong.”
Seiji Guile: “No, actually Guile has alternate color versions with blue pants, so that’s not the problem. But what no one has ever seen is Guile rolling up his pants!”
Seiji Guile: “Next! Takeshi Guile!”
Seiji Guile: “You clearly didn’t understand the assignment either! A digital camouflage pattern? Seriously? You know Guile doesn’t wear that!”
Takeshi Guile: “I went to a thrift store too, and this was the only pair of camo pants I could find.”
Seiji Guile: “You’re endangering the whole mission by relying on thrift stores! Next time shop online if you need to and make sure you get the pattern right!”
Seiji Guile: “Next! Yuichiro Guile! Let’s wrap this up!”
Seiji Guile: “So tell me how you managed to forget you’re supposed to be Guile? You look like you just came from the kitchen or the beach!”
Seiji Guile: “That hairline’s crammed all the way down onto your eyebrows, like you’re wearing chef’s hat!And shorts? Shorts?!! How’re you gonna have a proper street fight without proper pants?”
Seiji Guile: “Aside from Yoshio and Go, none of you are ready to be Guile! Guess it’s up to me to whip you all into shape.”
Seiji Guile: “ATTEN-TION! Company, form up and…flash kick charge pose!”
Seiji Guile: “Crouching guard!”
Seiji Guile: “Just you wait and see! I’ll turn you all into real Guiles yet!”
A Happy Halloween to all of you reading SoraNews24! Whether you’re out trick-or-treating or partying with friends, we hope you have a safe and fun October 31, and that no one cheeses you with invisible throws.
Photos ©SoraNews24
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