NOTE: There are mentions of suicide, molestation, and statutory rape.
“How did that story turn out? How are your friend and the baby doing now?”
“She is a great mom. Graduated high school, worked full time, put herself through school. We’re not friends anymore, but from what I see and hear, she and her child are doing really well. I wish her nothing but the best.”
“My cousin (the resulting baby) is actually somewhat well-adjusted, last I heard. I don’t think she’s had a lot of contact with my uncle in the last decade or so. Her mom ended up being a lesbian, though they had two more kids first. The ones not conceived in a Hungry Howie’s freezer are having a rougher go of getting their life figured out.”
“I need to know more. Was there really any question that she had slept with her brother-in-law, or did they just make it up to be on TV?”
“My aunt was in prison for selling prescription drugs, so my grandma arranged for my mom to take my uncle (aunt’s husband) to the prison to visit my aunt. Afterward, my grandma told my aunt that the only reason my mom would take my uncle to see his wife is if they were sleeping together. My aunt got released from prison, and the tension with my mom was terrible. My aunt heard you could basically get a free vacation and a per diem for food, all expenses paid, if you agreed to embarrass yourself on national TV, so my aunt called Maury, and one thing led to another. My mom agreed because putting the rumors to bed publicly meant the family wouldn’t keep whispering behind her back. She and my aunt are good now.
My uncle also took a lie detector test during that episode. His test determined that, while he was innocent of cheating with my mom, he had, in fact, been with multiple sex workers during the time my aunt was in prison. They are still married, and occasionally I’ll get a Facebook invite to a vow renewal.”
“Their idea was to pretend that she was the sex worker and that one of her housemates was her boyfriend and the other a client.
The guys went out partying the night before the show, but she decided to stay in. Watching Frasier that night, one of the characters said something like, ‘Some of us are angels, some are devils, and the rest of us are just doing the best we can.’ … She thought that that would be something a sex worker might say, so she dropped it during the segment the next day.
She is a very funny girl and lots of fun, but she did not give me the sense that being on Springer was particularly enjoyable. I have the impression that she wishes she hadn’t gone through with it.
They were paid only for their trip, accommodation, and about $100 in expenses each. She didn’t speak with Jerry behind the scenes, but said that there is a ‘priest’ who works behind the camera who spent tons of time with them and even contacted them after the show to see how things had worked out for everyone following the show. She said this guy hit on her pretty hard.”
“They ended up switching off weeks. When my niece was around 2 years old, we all started noticing some disturbing sexual behavior. My sister called the police and child services; at the hospital, they couldn’t find anything to confirm molestation but said that it didn’t mean she wasn’t. They opened a case but closed it and refused to revoke the court-mandated custody agreement. We all knew it was happening, but there was absolutely nothing we could do to get her daughter away from him immediately.
We got a lawyer who suggested that going on The Steve Wilkos Show could get the case reopened. They use the same test as the FBI, and it’s conducted by one of the best polygraph examiners in the country. Quite a few people have been arrested after having their case reopened because of their appearance on the show, and one was in our state. We were desperate and decided airing out our dirty laundry would be worth it if it could get her away from him.
The show was nothing like I expected. I figured they’d tell us what to say and do, but they didn’t. They gave us five lie detector tests each. It was weird talking about that shit on a stage in front of an audience. Now I understand why people flip out; it’s extremely stressful on the stage.
The bastard failed the test, which wasn’t a surprise to anyone except his mom. She’s the one who flipped out; she was really heartbroken about it. After the show was over, the show stayed in contact with us and got my sister into therapy. It did get the case reopened, and he was arrested a few months later after they seized his computer, found pictures, and discovered he was sharing them online, too. He was arrested and charged with a bunch of felonies.
We’re happy we went on the show. It’s really embarrassing, but we got the outcome we wanted and have no regrets.”
“My friend also went on The Montel Williams Show. She spoke very highly of him and his staff. They paid for her therapy for years — as well as for every kid they have on for paternity tests. They also had a chat telling them not to expect anything from a parent who’s been absent so far; they let them know that parent will probably talk a big game onstage and to trust their gut. It was a really great experience considering the circumstances.”
“In reality, she was a neglectful piece of shit. She gave her kids over to social services during the summer because school wasn’t around to parent for her. I had a birthday one year at a pool with a sleepover after. My friend got a concussion at the pool and had to go to the hospital. Her mom dropped her off for the sleepover portion of my birthday in nothing more than a damp bathing suit and hospital towel. That woman could not have given less of a shit about her daughter if she tried.”
“Dr. Phil basically said, ‘Don’t watch as much TV.’ He even added a terrible joke that not all TV was bad, with a shit-eating grin.
Overall, we left the show knowing that what we had said was taken out of context and made us look like drooling TV zombies.
After a couple of years, they had us come back on the show for a follow-up. My mom laid into Dr. Phil about how they made us look and that the problem was never as bad as they made it seem. His face after was priceless.”
“Anyway, this was back when Jerry did a lot of ‘freaks’ episodes. When we arrived, they were filming an episode about a guy who had children by various women, and they were all arguing. We thought about leaving but didn’t.
The actual episode I did was pretty positive for the ‘freaks’ genre. It was me and the founder of the organization, a woman with no arms, a mother and daughter experiencing homelessness (who were given a place to live as part of the episode), and conjoined twins. I don’t regret it because it makes a good party story, but I wouldn’t let my own kid on it.
I’ve never seen the episode. It seems to be lost to the ages, which is a shame, because I was a cute kid.”
“So it’d cut back and forth to my mom saying she’s ‘sending me a message.’ And me having blocks set up saying, ‘I love you, too’ or something. And then at the end, my blocks would spell out ‘Daddy, will you marry Mommy?’ My dad was totally surprised, audibly said, ‘What the fuck?’ and Maury had to clarify that my mom just proposed. But he ended up saying yes!! They got married in Vegas and have now been married for a little over 20 years!!!”
“They flew out to Stamford for the taping.
Before the show, the lawyer came in and gave them ‘the speech’ — no cursing. No throwing shit. No acting like jackasses.
Then, the producer came in and said to ignore all the shit that guy had just said. ‘I want you to break chairs. I want you to throw shit. Curse all you want. Just don’t get blood on the stage.’
They went out and acted out their made-up story.
His wife’s ‘lover’ danced on the pole. He and his ‘boyfriend’ ripped their shirts off and tried to ‘beat each other’s asses.’ At the questions and answers section, somebody in the audience called him a ‘werewolf-looking motherfucker.’ Everyone in the audience jumped up and did a weird dance when they found out he was from Tennessee.
Then they flew back. The show aired a couple months later. I couldn’t be seen out in public with him without people recognizing him and asking if I was his new lover. Shit got old quickly.”
“But the asshole did use my mom’s fertility issues as ‘proof’ on national television, saying that since his last relationship led to zero kids after 14 years, he couldn’t possibly have any more kids. Yeah…to the surprise of only his dumbass self, he WAS the father!”
“Imagine if she got the support and red of being paraded on TV for maximum humiliation?”
“She was in therapy for the majority of her teens and 20s. Sally sent her to boot camp, afaik. It was pretty sad all around, because we were fierce friends at first. I didn’t want to believe the rumors about her robbing people at knifepoint. I felt really dumb when something small went missing, and it turned out to be her. After I took it back, she literally broke windows to get into my house and steal it again. It’s a long story, but the police did nothing; she egged me on one night after I hadn’t seen her for months, and our fight just went down.”
“We did a pre-interview on the phone, and my buddy’s girlfriend, the producer, ran through the questions. I answered with humor and charm; I was to repeat this basic banter on the air. No problem. As we were ending the conversation, she said, ‘After you’re introduced, Carnie will say, “So, you must have sex with Yolanda,” and you will say, “Yes, I must have sex with Yolanda,” and then we’ll do all those other questions I just asked you. Okay? Gotta go.’
Except I never said I must have sex with anybody. Would I have sex with Yolanda? Sure, if she was up for it. Did I have to? Was it absolutely imperative that this happen? Of course not. Besides, it made me sound desperate.
The day of, I still wasn’t comfortable with the language. There I was on stage in front of a live studio audience, and the executive producer came out and went over what was going to happen, using the exact same phrase. As I searched for a tactful way to bring up my concerns moments before taping, the executive looked at my friend’s girlfriend like she was about to get fired and said, ‘You’ve gone over this, right?’ When she hesitated, the boss looked at me instead and, in the most stern, ‘don’t fuck with my broadcast’ voice, said: ‘You’ve gone over it now.’ She marched off stage.
The next thing I heard was Carnie say, ‘So, you must have sex with Yolanda?’
Time stood still. I looked out at the sea of faces. Regular American folk, suddenly and inexplicably riveted by my tawdry, speculative sex life. If I replied, ‘Eh, I’m in if she is?’ what would they do? Would they stop rolling and scold me in front of this full house of strangers? What would Carnie Wilson do if I threw her under the bus?
I would never find out. Because that was the moment that I discovered how spineless I am. I didn’t just say the words. I said them like it was the most important thing I would ever do. ‘Yes…’ I proclaimed, ‘Yes, I must have sex with Yolanda!’
And that night I did. Twice. It was just so-so.”
“He got on it because he was an audience member for a previous show that featured a teen KKK member. He asked a question; the producers liked him and asked if he would come back on as a guest. He was not paid and was already from the Chicago area where they filmed the show. All he got compensation-wise was lunch. I’ve seen his episode; it consisted of him debating with the other teens on the show. He said that the people really seemed to believe what they were saying. One of the teenagers he met while waiting to go on was a neo-Nazi kid who was not all there. Total dummy.”
“She said Jerry is very nice. Basically, for her, it was a huge vacation.”
“What shit did they say she said?”
“I don’t remember them all, but the one that has stuck with me is ‘She just called you a pussy in the other room. She thinks you have no backbone, and that is why you need your cousin to defend you.’ That struck me hard, and I was pretty pissed off hearing that. I did not know the producers were lying. I believed every word they said, as did she. You can see at the start of the video how pissed she looks. We still laugh about this, and our daughter thinks this is the greatest thing.”
“They then told the larger family the official story of their relationship and the affair. We all kinda knew what happened, but this was the first time I was directly told.
The arrangements were made, and my dad and stepmom flew to California for the show. They spent a day filming random stuff of them together, my stepmom reading her letter to the show, and a photo montage of their time together.
The day of the show, they did all the hair, makeup, and wardrobe stuff. Apparently, my dad’s sport coat was too much like the color Dr. Phil wore, so they had to find my dad another coat. It was supposed to be just my stepmom and Dr. Phil on stage, with my dad in the audience. My stepmom demanded that my dad be by her side for support. They went through their sequence, chatted, cried, got some random advice, and went back into the audience.
All in all, I think it was an OK experience; no real breakthrough advice, but it wasn’t traumatizing.”
“I’m pretty sure that she still works at the same grocery store chain. It was a sad situation. I don’t think she deserved to be on Dr. Phil. It must’ve been humiliating, because the whole school made a big deal about it when it aired. I just think that they should’ve gone to a family counselor or something. I hope her family situation has straightened itself out.”
“The husband, as expected, agreed to change his ways, and they left the stage. They were escorted from the building and headed home. The wife had to return the clothes she was given to wear on the show. They thought the trip was fun and worth it. I did not know this couple well, but they loved that people who knew them saw the show, and they said they would have done it again in a minute.”
