Things get ugly at the roundtable.

traitors

If you come for me I’ll finish you

season 4 episode 5

Editor’s rating 4 stars ****

Things get really ugly at the Round Table, and even the traitors aren’t feeling good about the chaos in the castle. Photo: Ewan Cherry/Peacock/2025 Peacock TV LLC. All rights reserved.

Dorinda is finally starting to get angry, and so is Ron Funches. While eating breakfast to see who was killed the night before, she complains that he alternates between being the victim and the accuser, and that she feels insulted that he made no effort to get to know her. But will he be there to face her wrath? Yeah, everyone thinks he’s a traitor, so no one is surprised to see him walking in. But the real highlight of the breakfast was learning for the first time that Colton was in the closet when Dorinda was on The Bachelor. She feels bad about missing out on her chance with straight Colton.

In the end, as we could have guessed from the previous night’s turret meeting, the traitors sadly choose to kill Monet after she correctly suspects Lisa. I wish he had shared that suspicion with someone other than Lisa’s fellow traitor Candiace. As the table toasts to his memory, Colton says he was the best dressed, to which Lisa casually corrects him: “One of the best dressed.” Incredibly, there are no notes.

In this episode’s mission, they must walk through a fountain to obtain a coin that indicates the location of a statue, and then bring it back to the fountain. Once everything is in place, you can put the fountain back together and claim your prize in the bounty pot. But, as always, there’s a twist. There is a shield inside the statue, and if no one takes the shield, no murder will occur that night. However, if even one person is robbed, the murder will proceed as planned. But before they can think about their dilemma, they head into the water. “What if I fall in this water? I might get a yeast infection. Who’s going to take care of my coochie?” Candace says, continuing her reign as the castle’s poet laureate.

Most of the challenges unfold without anyone taking the shield, but the temptation begins at the end. What’s worse is that the last two teams to grab the statue will be awarded four shields. This means that everyone on your team can easily get a shield if they want to, and no one will be smarter than you. Eventually, all the statues fall into place, the fountain starts spewing red water like the Kool-Aid Man has been stabbed, and the prize pool increases to $106,000. However, it is not yet known whether someone took the shield.

Back at the castle, Ron accidentally interrupts Dorinda’s conversation about herself with Stephen, who tends to forget he’s on the show. They ask how he’s doing, and Ron says he’s 90 percent sure about the two traitors. “Michael and Dorinda,” he said to her face. What I’ve always found fascinating about this show is that while some people succeed in this medium and skyrocket to stardom (Candace), others who may have been loved before entering the castle completely suffer in this environment (Ron). This game doesn’t complement him at all and he’s doing badly. Despite being a comedian, he has never been unfunny, instead getting grossly wrong or being rude, as was the case in this episode.

Meanwhile, Colton takes aim at Michael (who looks like a Madame Tussauds doll if he used slime instead of wax), pointing out that everyone who voted for him on opening night is being killed off one by one, except for Yum Yum. When Michael (and his various scabs) joins this conversation in the kitchen, Colton casually asks him if Alan wants to do the turret costume change. It upsets him enough for the group to pounce. It was a fun move that led to Michael exploding and calling Colton a traitor in return.

The Roundtable begins by picking up where we left off in the kitchen. Michael calls Colton “sneaky sympathetic Colton,” but clearly doesn’t know what sympathetic means. He took advantage of Colton’s ejection of Tiffany the night before to claim he was a traitor, adding, “There’s no one in this room who’s better at keeping secrets than you.” oh my god. We’ve seen Michael’s homophobia online, and now it’s seeped into the castle. “Yeah,” Colton replies, “Do you think my 29 years of life have been fun?” The table protects him and springs into action to go after Michael (the wart with the eyes), first dragging him because Johnny took advantage of the fact that someone was forced into a closet. “It’s a very low blow,” Maura added. The whole table is fed up with Michael being so sneaky, even as he tries to retract what he just said, turning to Rob’s last resort “conspiratorial, thoughtful line.”

“Sympathy means having pity for someone,” Rob finally says, correcting Michael, who doubles down on otherwise. “Yes, you’re right,” Robb shouted back, angry at his own stupidity. He says it drove him crazy throughout the roundtable. Imagine having your vocabulary corrected by a contestant on Love Island USA. That’s how stupid Michael Rapaport is.

Ron agrees that Michael (not to be confused with the man in the middle of the human evolution diagram) is a traitor, but adds that Dorinda is his subordinate. She’s upset about that, considering the effort she put into getting to know Ron and learning about his family. “I don’t want to know where you live, I don’t care about your family, my family doesn’t concern you,” Ron shot back at her. I was completely surprised at how unnecessarily unpleasant it was. you are playing a game. Why are you yelling and swearing at this woman when she tried to get to know you? It’s almost as if Ron appeared on this show with the express purpose of convincing those who had been his fans up until now that he was, in fact, a complete idiot. But fortunately for Ron, the table still has its eyes elsewhere.

Our long national nightmare is over. Michael Rapaport was eventually expelled – even accused of being a traitor. Especially since he’s an insufferable piece of shit that no one can bear to be around for much longer. When he reveals that he is a believer, no one at the table even blinks. They don’t care that they voted for their candidate. Because being near him is a fate worse than death. This is probably the first time that the whole castle feels relieved after expelling a believer, but Alan still won’t reveal whether anyone took up the shield during the mission, so we don’t know if they were in danger of murder that night.

Colton is in a bit of a tough spot, going 0-for-2, but instead of settling down, he’s sprinting forward and has already set his focus on Lisa. In the kitchen, he tells everyone that she was too quiet during the roundtable and reacted too loudly to the revelation at breakfast. When Yum Yum counters that he’s checked out the story about the murder in the woods, Colton says that’s because he had to see it three times. Oh, he was ready. The good news for Lisa is that Rob is in the kitchen listening to all of this and will report back to her when she gets back to the turret.

They decide they have to kill Colton, but given the situation with S.H.I.E.L.D., they’re not sure if they even have a chance. This puts me in an impossible situation. I’ve always been rooting for the Traitors, and now they’re going after the man to whom I’ll forever be indebted for freeing me from Michael Rapaport’s dire shackles. Perhaps Colton may end up becoming a martyr, but I hope he can walk, talk, banish his butt acne and enjoy the peaceful castle he built.

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