Miranda’s tears, joy and dance moves steal show as deadly boredom sets in on The Celebrity Traitors
BBC/Studio Lambert
- Spoiler warning: This article reveals details from episode six of The Celebrity Traitors, series two.
For a show that likes to keep participants and viewers on the edges of their seats, gripped by suspense and skullduggery, it was ironic that Friday’s episode of The Celebrity Traitors came down to which one of its stars would die of boredom.
The climactic final scene switched between a series of faces as we waited to see which of the famous faithful would… yawn.
Some dramatic editing and music attempted to build fevered anticipation, but this was a slow-motion, low-energy premise for a murder in plain sight.
The trio of traitors had been tasked with being as boring as possible, and yawned theatrically in one of the castle’s communal rooms in the hope that their apparent fatigue would be contagious.
If one of the faithful succumbs to the traitors’ soporific tactics and yawns as well, they will be put to sleep for good.
We must wait until next Thursday to find out who, if anyone, is murdered in plain sight. That was what passed as a nail-biting cliffhanger this week.
There was, thankfully, some more animated action elsewhere in Friday’s episode.
‘Natural born traitor’
After Thursday saw King Kenny recruited by the traitors – that episode ending with his deliciously evil laugh – the YouTuber and former aspiring boxer brought fresh and fiendish energy to the turret.
“This threesome’s going to be different,” mama traitor Maya Jama predicted. “There’s a new vibrance.”
James Acaster, her reluctant fellow traitor, was also happy with their choice of ally.
“As predicted, Kenny’s taken to this like a duck to water,” the comedian said, visibly relieved. “He’s the opposite of me. So relaxed. He’s a natural born traitor.”
- Watch on iPlayer with new episodes every Thursday and Friday
- The latest banished and murdered celebs have their say in Uncloaked
Kenny is relishing the role, barely able to disguise his pleasure as Miranda Hart confided to him over breakfast that “you’re my main faithful”.
The self-declared modern-day Miss Marple warned Kenny to be on the lookout for anyone acting differently, reasoning that “if you’re suddenly a traitor, you’re going to be a bit on high alert”.
“I agree,” was his straight-faced reply.
In the show’s diary room, he said: “The first taste of being on the other side – it does feel good, because you have the power.
“I’m good at staying calm because as a boxer you have to have a poker face. You can’t let the other people know that you’re intimidated.”
However, he later admitted: “On the outside I look calm, cool, collected, but on the inside I’m incredibly nervous.”
BBC/Studio Lambert/Euan Cherry
Meanwhile, all eyes were on a different player as the traitors’ possible new recruit.
The previous day, Joe Lycett had loudly declared that he longed for a ticket to the turret – and even though it would have been, as he later protested, too obvious for the traitors to grant him his wish, it was enough to arouse suspicion.
Acaster observed: “I feel like today is one of those days where maybe we [traitors] don’t even have to do anything. You have no idea of the gift that I’ve been given.”
And in a game where the group often latches on to any conspicuous sign of questionable behaviour, Acaster’s prediction was confirmed.
“I sort of laid my own trap, and now I’m in it,” Lycett conceded ruefully before he headed to the round table. He was banished with 11 of the 14 votes.
Standing in front of his fellow celebrities before being whisked out of the castle, he informed them: “I always wanted to start as a faithful and end as a traitor.
“I started as a faithful. I did not get my wish. I am a faithful.”
BBC/Studio Lambert/Euan Cherry
One of the few who did not vote for Joe was Miranda. In fact, she was laughed at around the table for not being able to bring herself to write her friend’s name.
So when his faithful status was revealed, she exclaimed: “Oh my God, my love was real!”
The pair had formed a bond, and her tearful reaction to his exit provided a rare poignant moment.
“Connection and laughter and joy are bigger than this game – and to meet someone and just play and laugh, it’s all us humans need, you know?” she said.
“I’ve had times in my life when I haven’t had that, through illness, and it’s brought up that silly, sensitive soul.”
The comedian revealed two years ago that she had been bed-bound and housebound with chronic fatigue after being diagnosed with Lyme disease.
“Suddenly the floodgates were kind of opening. It was suddenly not about a silly faithful or traitor, you know?”
BBC/Studio Lambert/Euan Cherry
Miranda also referenced that difficult period during Friday’s mission, when the players had to collect and assemble parts of Easter Island-like statues on a rainy hillside.
“Three or four years ago, due to illness, I thought that I may not ever have a gentle walk around a park again,” she said.
“And I find myself up a Scottish Highland, wheelbarrowing along a very large head. It’s really exciting.”
Miranda has been one of the most astute faithfuls (despite not sniffing out Kenny’s switched allegiances, yet), but has also proved to be one of the most likeable celebrities.
And she provided the clear highlight of the show on Friday – not during a mission or a round table or a scheming chat, but when pop star Leigh-Anne Pinnock offered to console her by making her “dreams come true” and teaching her a Little Mix dance move.
“Introducing Little Mix and… Big Mix!” Miranda said as the pair wiggled and thrusted gleefully on the floor.
Someone should give her her own TV show.
BBC/Studio Lambert
Miranda and Leigh-Anne were blissfully unaware that next door, something much more boring but ultimately more consequential was unfolding.
The traitors had been tasked with spraying “deadly sleeping powder” from a perfume bottle and then murdering one of the faithful in plain sight by making them inhale it by yawning.
They had little choice about their potential victims – in the end it was Jerry Hall and Ross Kemp who wandered in to join Maya and James A in deliberately tedious conversation.
It was a set-up so convoluted that it’s doubtful that even Ross, who has been permanently paranoid about being murdered in plain sight, rumbled them.
Maya and James A were left yawning ever more widely in the desperate hope that the other two would join in, before the credits rolled. The most grippingly boring TV of the year.
