Craig and Sally “in combat”

southern charm

in battle

Season 11 Episode 8

Editor’s rating 3 stars ***

Craig’s refusal to take on the responsibility of leading Sally forward may only force her into an “enemy’s enemy is my friend” alliance with Austin. Photo: Paul Cheney/Bravo

There are three things I really want to talk about that aren’t really related to the main story of this episode. So I’m going to ramble a little bit. If you don’t like that, there’s a door there. (There are no doors. Doors are illusions. Neither is the world, nor is this text. Nothing is real. Surrender yourself to the robots.) The first is the big reveal we’ve all been waiting for. This is the name of Sally’s chicken. I thought there were only two, but it turns out there are actually three, named melon, coconut, and popcorn. Sure, it’s better than naming it after a person, but isn’t it a bit rude to name a chicken after a food? Also, if you’re going to do that, I can think of some more appropriate names. How about cacciatore, milanese and fingers?

Second, Shep comes back from a trip and ends up living with Craig because his new house isn’t ready yet, which seems like cheating, and his old house is being rented out on Airbnb for a good amount of money. (What kind of housing shortage?) But the destination was Cuba. How did Shep get to Cuba? Can Americans get a visa just to go fishing or jump off a dilapidated bridge? Will he be able to return to his country after that? Will ICE be showing up at his house? Or wait. Do we now own Cuba? Was it like a BOGO with Venezuela? I live in the UK and they gave back most of the Caribbean so I don’t even know who owns what or if they can exploit the natural resources.

Finally, what I really want to talk about is the possible Austin Kroll wig reveal. I have no idea what to make of this weird scene where Austin and his girlfriend Audrey go out on a small pier for Rodrigo and Tyler’s engagement party, but the fact that they included it in the episode makes me think it’s important. Austin tried to take a selfie of them at sunset and said, “Oh my god, look at my wig.” Immediately I said, “Oh my god (unintelligible word, maybe ‘bukky’?). It looks like he’s wearing a wig. What the hell was that?” Then Audrey laughed and said, “Do you still love me?”

The way I read this is that he said, “Look at my wig,” and immediately realized that both Audrey and the camera were there, and changed his statement to mean it looked like he was wearing a wig, since he didn’t know he had one. Realizing that Audrey knows that she has a wig, Audrey asks if she still likes Audrey. But is it really a wig? Apparently she’s had that kind of hair for a long time, and it would be creepy if it was a rug. I mean, it’s not a shame. Good for Austin. None of the women on these shows are showing 100 percent real hair, so if Austin wants to wear a wig, wear a wig. But the sight was strange, difficult to interpret, and a little sudden.

All the action in the episode, including the first-ever non-Drag Race wig reveal, happens at Rodrigo and Tyler’s Greek-themed engagement party, most of which is connected in some way to the Sally, Charlie, and Craig love triangle, with an extra Benita thrown in for spice. At the beginning of the episode, Benita goes to lunch with her mother. The mother says Benita wasn’t a good friend when Craig eventually dumped her and told her not to call Sally and her Extra E. When Sally arrives at the party (looking stunning in a low-cut dress that shows what Craig is missing), Venita tells Sally that she misses her and tries to get things back on track. However, Sally is not that interested and thinks Benita is trying to control her and just leaves.

Things also worsen between Sally and Charlie over Craig. Charlie meets with a girl, Molly, to do a small craft project, and Charlie confesses that she’s worried about her date with Craig. Charlie worries that his relationship with Craig is “going crazy” because of Sally’s feelings. Molly very astutely points out that Sally and Craig’s relationship was “weird” because of Benita’s feelings, but Sally didn’t care and stormed off and did whatever she wanted. Therefore, Molly advises Charlie to do what he wants, which is to date Craig. There are no notes. Thanks for your work, Molly. Should I be more worried about losing the general assignment to ChatGPT or Molly at this point?

For most of the episode, Craig is trying to prove his own innocence. When she reflects on her situation with Madison, she says she never did anything to lead Sally on, and Madison explains that the baths, cheating, and texting didn’t help. Craig admitted that he knew Sally was planning on staying the night, but at the time he dismissed her feelings by saying, “Okay, let’s get home safely.” He says he knew if he wanted something to happen, it was an invitation from him. Craig said he never wanted anything more than friendship and was happy for her to stay at his house just to be nice. Okay, that’s a mess. Shep understandably defends Craig, saying that’s just how he is. He was acting his usual talkative and flirtatious self, and the girls took it the wrong way.

I don’t get it, guys. Same with 3 day old sushi at the gas station, I don’t buy it. Yes, Craig was excited to make new friends after breaking up with Paige, and his relationships with Austin and Shep were on the rocks, but he probably should have set his boundaries a little clearer if he knew she was going to stay. He didn’t even have to tell her, “Look, I think we’re just friends,” but he could have gotten the hint if he had less invitations to hot tubs, talked a little more about other girls he wanted to date in front of her, and showed a few more obvious signs. Craig should have made his intentions clearer before he got to the point where he had to tell him that Sally was capturing feelings at the livestock and feed store.

However, when Craig goes to talk to Sally, he somehow blames her for everything that happened. Sally doesn’t seem upset that Craig broke up with her, but she is upset that Craig told Austin their friendship was over. Craig completely denies ever having made such a statement, even though that was essentially what he meant. Craig’s reaction is wild. “You believe in a man whose main purpose in life is to beat me up,” Craig said, calling Austin his “enemy” and getting mad at Sally for telling Austin about her. When Sally says she didn’t know Austin was her enemy, Craig says he knows how Austin treats him. Okay, but if that’s what Craig thinks of Austin, if he really is the enemy, why is he friends with Austin? Why is he talking to him? And how does he turn all this on Sally when it’s clearly his fault? Some people like drugs, some people like sex, some people like money, some people like playing blues guitar in outdoor bars, but no one loves being wrong like Craig.

After Rodrigo’s party, the entire gang boards Shep’s party bus and continue partying the night that would end in tragedy. Never go to a second location with Shepherd Rose. This is when the drama between Craig and Sally and what’s going on with Austin and Audrey overlap. Throughout the episode, everyone is telling Austin that he needs to tell Audrey that the relationship between them will probably not take the next step and fizzle out. Austin’s sister Katie tells him: “What are you doing if you’re not motivated?” Even Austin describes their breakup as being like a meteor approaching Earth, something he’s trying to ignore for a while longer.

When Austin is at the bar, Sally approaches him and says that Craig told him he never said he abandoned their friendship. Neither Austin nor Sally believe Craig, but this is what happens when you have a reputation as fictitious as Anna Delvey’s credit report. Sally also tells Austin that Craig calls him “the enemy” and that he is not Austin’s friend. Austin looked into Sally’s eyes, looked deeper into her cleavage, and pulled her closer to him. He smiled at her and she smiled back, he ran a hand through his (probably fake) hair and smiled even wider, and she giggled and looked back at the bar and Austin. Meanwhile, his girlfriend Audrey sits alone in a crowded bar, blues music falling over her shoulders like a gnat shawl. She can’t even see it, but there’s a little streak, a little dot, just beyond the moon. It’s that the meteor is coming closer and closer, accelerating at every moment and preparing to collide.