Warning: Spoilers ahead for Thank God You’re Here (it’s short, play it now and come back when you’re done).
Does that light dazzle you? OK I’ll just cut to the chase.
I’m coming for you, coal dinner. I’ve given you the benefit of the doubt. I know what you are. it’s all over.
I heard what happened at Barnsworth. I sent someone undercover to go in and see for myself. Don’t think about revenge, he’s gone and you can’t touch him. When he arrives in a bus over rolling hills posing as a salesman, you’re all fooled. I know you’re underestimating him because he’s just a little guy with a lemon-shaped head. That’s the thing about little guys, you see, they can slip into every nook and cranny without anyone noticing they’re there. or realize they are a threat.
Manage cookie settings
He told me about the trap you set for him when you arrived. The mayor is busy, and here’s a poor idiot with his arm stuck in a drain, clutching two pennies. Help him, won’t you, the impressionable stranger, the ambitious young lad trying to make his way in the world. Get that damn butter cube!
This is a test, isn’t it? You want to see how easily he can be coerced into doing something, and then you get what you want. He also plays along. They were released and he was freed from suspicion. He walks the path You have appointed for him and speaks Your language. No, not the language you pretend to speak, but the language full of cute little phrases that hide the truth. Yes, I know your stairs aren’t really made of apples and pears. I know that when you drink a glass of bitters, no one should be looking for a tonic to go with it.
He speaks the true language of your organization. He’s talking about pure, unfiltered, emotionless violence. He’s slapping you and working his way into your favor, all the while looking for clues. He even kills those happy little flowers, all just to fit in. where question. Because it doesn’t matter which side you’re on questionbut you have to take one. That’s how you control people, isn’t it? Yes, that’s right, I know group!
Big guys like Ron. Pie Man, like the other guy, the one with the round eyes. You have to be one of them, swear by it. You also have to stick to your own style, even if you’re like many people and have some fish and chips or tea on the side because you just can’t resist. He saw stickers on windows, squabbles between in-laws on different sides, and attempts to sabotage businesses. Those who moonlight as peddlers of contraband, like the man who sells fish, cigarettes, and other fish that may be infected with lung cancer.
He also saw something less obvious. The locksmith has been tuned by the landlord so that you can steal his keys at any time and gain access to any place you want. The young girl with braces who works in almost every store in town because you know she grew up in that environment and she won’t say anything to anyone. He watched as her sister made deals with strangers with a wink, a nudge, and a nudge, completely destroying the aisles of her store, causing rats to crawl out of the wood so the owner could claim insurance.
He saw a police officer in the area, purchased and paid. Busy polishing his baton because he knows if he takes a closer look at what’s really going on, the money will stop and something bad will happen. This is why counterfeiters always get away with it. You know I mean the guy in the hat and coat – the watch salesman. Even when our men managed to turn him over to Bobby Bash, you banded together to allow him to escape. Because he is part of your plan. Small time hoodlums, petty criminals distract from all the real crime that goes on in the terraced houses and in the marrows grown in the gardens.
You’ll protect him, but when it comes to innocent people who don’t play your game, you unleash waves of pain. That poor guy with the big ass just wanted to drive his food truck. A thousand hands to the face to teach him a lesson. The poor guy just wanted to sit in his very boring living room and read the newspaper. A thousand smoky chimneys that he needs to clear over and over again because you want to destroy his spirit. That poor big-headed vegetable salesman. Bullied mercilessly from birth because he could have been different. He could have changed everything, but you drilled your way into him and now he won’t stop throwing parsnips at people’s heads.
They are Barnsworths, just like you, and they do not deserve to live under your iron fist. They won’t. no longer. Look, that young man, he made it through. He took every test you sent him, despite nearly losing his mind along the way. He has earned your trust. He held on long enough to press the kiss of death to your seasoned lips.
You see, Mr Mayor, when you sent him to pick up a jar of mustard, we had confiscated it after it had been illegally brought into the UK in exchange for fifty tonnes of the finest black market Wensleydale cheese and enough abalone Bob was able to buy a mallard duck from York’s Railway Museum – just like you’ve always dreamed of – and we know it.
We have you. We drag you, kicking and screaming, out of the pit of lies and into the lantern of justice. We shed tears of joy.
Take him to the cell!
